🌑 Holy Tuesday tots
hai gaiz- how is your Lent going so far? And if you don’t celebrate Lent, how is life?
I feel like recently I’ve been falling off the wagon these past few days. On one hand, I know there’s a lot me and my family has gone through since we left Egypt, and though the future is as murky as ever, we get by with smiles and laughter. Even now, they’re laughing about something outside the room where I’m writing this (i love my fam everyone 🥹🙏). On the other hand, I’ve lowkey been doomscrolling and submitting to inertia; I feel like I could offer more to Him, and do better.
It’s normal, in any Christian journey—one day, you feel as close to Christ as John was in the Last Supper, hearing His heartbeat. Another day, it seems you’re right at the door like Judas, ready to escape into the night instead of facing the uncomfortable reality of what’s at the table.
I find that I do the same thing when confronted with something difficult. I don’t lash out or overthink as my initial reaction—I tend to avoid it by trying to escape it. But it never actually solves the problem, and I mostly end up in a worse place.
The reflection video today explains the inportance of that small detail: “It was night.” When Judas steps out of the room into the night, it refers also to the growing darkness in Judas’ heart. The darkness may offer promises of escape and freedom, but if you’ve ever tried to dodge your problems like this, you’ll know the awful sense of growing dread and despair the longer (and the harder) you try to escape it.
Let’s talk about the table, though. The light doesn’t always feel good, because it exposes the parts of us we’d rather keep hidden.
ok bro that line convicted me so bad i had to stop writing and ponder that for a good 5 minutes #holyspiritthegoat
But continuing, it’s like picking your discomfort. The discomfort of avoiding your issues, or facing it honestly. The discomfort of laziness or discipline. You just have to choose which you want first—the discomfort, or the gratification. It’s uncomfortable to see the cracks in yourself, but will you run from them, or will trust God with them?
Tomorrow, we’ll be talking about two examples of succumbing to the dark, or coming back into the light. But just in case you haven’t been told yet—it’s never, ever too late. The game is only over once you think you’ve lost. Though you hover between the doorway of hope and despair, God wants you no matter how much you think you’ve messed up. Though you think you’re too far gone, you’re never too far for God. Get your wooly ahh back to the fold (Luke 15 reference?). And while you’re at it, I’ll be finding my own way back as well. Please pray for me, as I pray for you. See you in the next one <3